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To all the Canadians, this is just a one time warning, surrendered all your Canadian bacon and the Diplomats will not take away your territory. Last and only warning, surrender all your cargos of Canadian bacon or you will be without empire very soon!!!! 
Warlord Mayito 777
PS: I love Canadian Bacon.
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Rendre le lard Canadien.!!!! 
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Bisquicks and Canadian bacon with fried eggs and grits. Yummmy.
So surrender the Bacon or face absolutely and totally confiscation of your lands and pigs, you can keep the rest.
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I come to reinforce! Give us the Bacon! I'm hungry!
        
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Surrender the bacon or I am going to post redneck jokes like this
The Redneck Letter
Dear Redneck Son;
I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address because the last Missouri family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be to heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning; but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your brother....
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love,
Mom
P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
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I must warn you: you are in UnDead territory. I am sure that they will wait for a complete troops deployement before doing something. And after that, it will be ugly: the UnDead will consider that we have delivered snack to them. There will be lots of deads. And after that, they will thank us for the Snacks.
And you won't have your canadian beacon. Not sure it is what you have in mind 
    
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Go to the Jedi tread I got a good redneck jedi joke.
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You might be a redneck if...
You wear a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't
If you think hitting a deer at 65 mph/105 kph is fast food
If you use a bar stool for a walker
If you have ever ridden an electric floor buffer.
I HAVE MORE AND THEY ARE JUST AS PAINFUL!
SURRENDER!
I translated the mph for maximum effect
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Ok Jedi redneck jokes
Redneck Jedi
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF...
1. You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
2. Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
3. You have ever used your Light Saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
4. At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
5. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
6. You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
7. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
8. Wookies are offended by your B.O.
9. You have ever used the force to get yourself another Bud Light so you didn't miss a NASCAR interview with any of the Allisons.
10. You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
11. Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over to the dark side ... it'll be a hoot."
12. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
13. You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
14. You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
15. You have the doors of your X-Wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
16. Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
17. You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
18. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.
19. You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
20. If you hear: "Luke, I am your father ... and your uncle."
21. If you're wife has to ask you to get the Hyperdrive motivator out of the Bathtub.
22. If when addressing the Jedi Council you use "Bubba" for more than half of them.
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Well this is all for today. Peace to all and good gaming. 
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Nahhh, just try to bring a spirit of joy this morning to your threads.
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