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Canadian Star Federation Empire Thread
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#1551
by Citizen Vir Cotto - 3/30/2004 9:53:57 PM
You know it's not that I want to lurk, ti's just that I can usually never think of anything interesting to say.
However I do have one thing to say this time:
 Spring is finally here!!
And as for a joke about Canada, the following is the lyrics to a short song written by the Arrogant Worms (a Canadian comedic music band):
When I look around me, I can't beleive what I see,
it seems as if this country has lost it's will to live.
The economy is lousy, we barely have an army,
but we can still stand tall because Canada's really big.
We're the second largest country, on this planet Earth,
and if Russia keeps on shrinking, soon we will be first (as long as we keep Quebec).
Well, Swizterland has banks, and the USA has tanks,
they can keep the bank because they just don't amount.
For when you get down to it, you find out what the truth is, it isn't was you do with it, it's the size that counts.
Some people will turn you that France is pretty large,
but you can fit 14 Frances, into this land of ours. (We got a lot of land).
We're larger than Mylasya, almost as big as Asia, we're bigger than Australia and it's a continent.
So big we seldom bother to go see one another,
but we often go to other countries for vacations.
Our mountains are really pointy,
our prairies are not.
The rest is kind of bumpy, but man do we have a lot.
So stand up and be pround and sing out very loud,
we stand out from the crowd because Canada's really Big.
(Thanks for listening to my first huge spam).
[Message Edited]
      
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| short song written by the Arrogant Worms |
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Thank you! I enjoyed it - and I'm not even Canadian. 
  
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| and I guess you are not big |
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Don't you know? Everything's bigger in Texas!
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Another Canadian Joke
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident.
They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all
three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were
about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes.
Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. "Well,"
said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful
light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates
of heaven.
St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said
that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course pulled
out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back
here." "Thats's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to
the other two?" "Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was
haggling over the price and the
Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his."
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When a Canadian thinks of Hell..he wonders what the heating bill must be. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
*A Canadian considers it one of the great thrills of life when snow doesn't stick to his shovel. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
*A Canadian woman doesn't worry if her shoes fit her feet as long as they fit in the plastic bag she carries them in from October to April. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
*In Canada we have two Seasons...six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
*Q: How do you empty a swimming pool of Canadians?
A: "Excuse me, could everyone please get out of the pool?"
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*A fellow recently told me that during 1988 it was so dry in Saskatchewan, that he saw a gopher digging a hole - 15 meters up in the air! ----------------------------------------------------------------------
*The first question an Albertan asked the tour guide, when they approached the Eiffel Tower, was "How many barrels a day does it produce?"
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*Met a guy the other day and asked him if he had lived in Canada all his life. "Not yet." was the answer.
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*The College was asked by Statistics Canada to provide some employment information, including, "How many people do you employ, broken down by sex?" The person filling in the form entered this comment: "Not many; most of our staff is broken down by booze." ----------------------------------------------------------------------
*In the summer of 1988 there was a fierce sandstorm in Saskatchewan. A farmer found a hat laying in his field. He picked it up and found the head of his neighbour, very much alive. "Wow, exclaimed the farmer", I'll get a shovel and dig you out!" "You better bring a backhoe," was the response, "I'm sitting on a horse!"
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The arrogance of the american power
Collision Course
This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland.
Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
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#1563
by Citizen Paguma - 3/31/2004 9:55:24 AM
| And as for a joke about Canada, the following is the lyrics to a short song written by the Arrogant Worms (a Canadian comedic music band): |
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I prefer Toronto Sucks by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie. The song is deceptive, it insults every part of the country, and especially Toronto and Ontario.
I hate the SkyDome and the CN Tower too;
I hate Nathan Philips Square and the Ontario Zoo!
The rent's too high,
The air's unclean,
The beaches are dirty,
And the people are mean!
And the women are big and the men are dumb
And the children are loopy 'cause they live in a slum!
The water is polluted and the mayor's a dork!
They dress real bad and they think they're New York...
In Toronto . . . !
Ontario . . . oh-oh!
"You know . . . now that I think about it, I pretty much hate all of Ontario!"
"Yeah! Me too!"
I hate Thunder Bay and Ottawa,
Kitchener, Windsor, and Oshawa!
London sucks and the Great Lakes suck,
And Sarnia sucks and Turkey Point sucks!
I took a trip to Ontario to visit Brian Mulroney!
He beat me up and he stole my pants
And he put me in a tree!
I went to see the Maple Leafs
And got hit in the head with a puck.
"Uh I don't even know how they did it . . . I mean, I was playin' the organ at the time!"
(And Alan Thicke sucks!)
Ontario . . . oh-oh-oh sucks.
"Come to think of it, I pretty much hate every gosh darn province and territory in our country!"
"Well except Alberta!"
"Oh yeah, of course I love Alberta! Lot's of cows, rocks, trees and dirt . . . mmmmoo moo moo!"
But . . . I hate Newfoundland 'cause they talk so weird
And Prince Edward Island is . . . too small.
Nova Scotia's dumb 'cause it's the name of a bank;
New Brunswick doesn't have a good mall!
Quebec is revolting and it makes me mad!
Ontario sucks . . . Ontario sucks.
"Manitoba's population density is 1.9 people per square kilometre! Isn't that stupid?!"
Saskatchewan is boring and the people are old!
And as for the territories . . .
They're too cold!
"And the only really good thing about the province of British Columbia is that it's right next to us!"
'Cause Alberta . . . a-a
Doesn't suck!
But Calgary does . . . !
      
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I like the one about the lighthouse. Move 15 North or else, I aint moving, so bring it on.
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GCAA (Galactic Civilization Adicts Anonimous) or other way to say it it is ICUP (you must spell this word standing from your desk and pointing to your boss)
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Rojo was the guy in the lighthouse, I think that it got runnover by the ship.
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| I wonder if there is a support group to help me |
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Tech, we host occasional support group meetings, if you need to speak to a whole load of others without a life right now.
Where, you ask? Right next door in the Guardian's thread - none of us have got lives, judging by the amount of playing and gibberish
Bring along some sushi, or even BBQ'd moose - it's very nice you know 
   
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i guess my head was defective, cause my score is closer to 21k then 20k 
Kill two lurks with one post so to speak. 
