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Jedi Republic - Jedi Temple Com Forum
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And the first to hit #600 we are
          
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#603
by Citizen Exar Kuun - 2/16/2004 6:18:07 PM
Seven Hundred here we come- us jedi are  - more inanity as promised. No-one is going to stop me now MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Are you the Weakest Link? - Thinking Practice
Are you the weakest link? Below are four (4) questions. You
have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer
all of them immediately. OK? Let's find out just how clever you
really are.
Ready?
GO!!!
First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second
person.What position are you in?
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutely wrong!If you overtake the second person and you take
his place, you are second!
Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you
took for the first question.
Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you
are...?
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are
wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?!
You're not very good at this are you?
Third Question: Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in
your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator.
Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30.
Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add
10. What is the total?
Scroll down for answer..
Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.
Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is
definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question
right?
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Answer: Nunu?
NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again
KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE "SMART PEOPLE" IN YOUR LIFE!
[Message Edited]
  
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A nesty man akes such questions and answers them instandly himselve.
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I remember that test, read about it before. And it appeares to be true by my experience
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#609
by Citizen Exar Kuun - 2/16/2004 6:55:06 PM
Okay continuing on the slightly mysoginistic front:
Finally, the guys side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to most every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends give you.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 mo. ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Chris. Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes?
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
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| I think #1 was better than #1 |
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You are right, but #1 was even better
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i got some famous quotes for our insane/inane/asinine stuff galery
Not all of them are good, but i'll post them all
Note to all: They are not from me, i just got them from a friend
[Message Edited]
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#620
by Citizen Exar Kuun - 2/16/2004 7:50:42 PM
A real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL (from their complaints dept.) Infamous in this emerald isle for their incompetence.
Dear Cretins
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.
During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat ar$e waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website .... how?
I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar
and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital
tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived.
After several further telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived... a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it. I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35%... these are usually
the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone
connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bullock jugglers.
I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman ... and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one
of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations
in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue. I thought BT were s$it, that they had attained the holy
pi$$-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there?
How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of ba$tard$ you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum-incompetents
of the highest order. British Telecom - wan$ers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.
Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not
become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it's worthless employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twa$s.
Apologies if I missed any swear words  but I thought it was so funny I would share it with you guys 
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"What the f**k was that?"
Mayor of Hiroshima
"Where did all these f***ing Indians come from?"
General Custer
"Where the f**k is all this warer coming from?"
Captain of the Titanic
"That's not a real f***ing gun"
John Lennon
"Who's gonna f***ing gind out?"
Richard Nixon
"Heads are going to f***ing roll"
Anne Boleyn
"Any f***ing idiot could understand that"
Albert Einstein
"How the f**k did you work that out?"
Pythagoras
"You want what on the f***ing ceiling?"
Michaelangelo
"F**k a duck"
Walt Disney
"Why?- Because its f***ing there!"
Edmund Hilary
"Scattered f***ing showers...my ass"
Noah
"I need this parade like I need a f***ing hole in my head."
John F. Kennedy
I'm sorry about that many bad words.
As i said this is not from me
[Message Edited]
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The insanity!!! 
And these are the leaders in the empire? 
   
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