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Raven's Claw (The Galactic Guardians Empire Thread)
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| It's a trick question...there isn't any difference! |
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And the best answer goes to Greldon!!!!! 
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Oooppps I misssed your second answer, that one is very good too.
My option was that one gets pay for lying and the other not.
Or one has diplom that says he is a professional liear and the other no.
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Here is a good clean joke
MEXICAN BANDIT
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."
But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish.
Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.
"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.
The lawyer answered,
"He said 'Get lost, gringo. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'
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One more and I am out of here before some lawyer try to sue the pirate
DUCK HUNTING
A big-city lawyer, from Washington, D.C., went duck hunting in the South Carolina Low country. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell in to a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going in to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the US and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in South Carolina. Down here we settle small disagreements like this with the Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "A Three Kick Rule. What is the Three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times, and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The attorney was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to the kidney area nearly caused him to give up. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will, managed to get to his feet, and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
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Renegade, I love the one about the Mexican bandit! (I'm gonna get in so much trouble! )
          
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| Naw, I give up. You can have the duck |
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I know I said that I will not post anymore jokes, but this are real quotes from lawyers
ACTUAL COMMENTS BY LAWYERS
"Lawyers typically aren't funny -- unless by accident. Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide...
1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
2) Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?
3) Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'
Q: Did he kill you?
4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
6) Were you alone or were you by yourself?
7) Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
8) Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
9) Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
10) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
11) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?
12) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
13) So you were gone until you returned?
14) Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?
15) You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
16) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
17) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."
18) Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
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It wasn't bad enough that I've been spending all my spare time playing GalCiv. Now I've got all these really good jokes running around in my head, and one of them is bound to slip out! (I blame the Yor!)
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This is to get you real in trouble Major
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
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| That's the spirit, Major! You should make them stop! |
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I do. I mean, I did. (I must confess, I must not be very good at it. I wipe them out--every last one of them. And the next time I start the game, there they are again. You know that saying, "A job well done need never be done again"? Well, either it's not true, or I'm not doing the job very well.  I guess I'll just have to practice more!)
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