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THE STARDOCK FANCLUB
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#104
by Veteran MM77 - 2/11/2004 8:04:04 PM
Thank's again I'm going to call it a night hope to see you tomarrow. 
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#107
by Veteran MM77 - 2/12/2004 3:34:32 AM
MY BEST FRIEND!  Would have pasted REN & STIMPY here TO!!!
by Evil Steve
ANNOUNCER: All systems go! Prepare for countdown! Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one! Blast off to adventure in the amazing year Four Hundred Billion, with Commander Hoëk and his faithful companion, Cadet Stimpy! As they roam the endless uncharted regions of space at speeds so fantastic they boggle the imagination!
[on bridge]
REN: Prepare to surge to sublight speed.
(Stimpy presses button. Alarms go off, etc. Ren and Stimpy grimace.)
REN: En..gage..
(Spaceship accelerates insanely, and they both scream.)
ANNOUNCER: You'll see futuristic technologies! Thrilling headgear! Spine-tingling toast! Be there! Scour the spaceways! Explore vast ALIEN WORLDS!
[Alien planet. Ren and Stimpy are both in a giant spacesuit.]
REN: Come in, Cadet Stimpy. Do you read me?
STIMPY: (Stands up next to Ren) Cadet Stimpy here. We read you. Roger.
(Roger appears next to them.) Roger here.
ANNOUNCER: OK space cadets! Prepare to hurtle through the cosmos in today's turgid episode...
"Space Madness"
[Interior of spaceship. Ren and Stimpy are on the bridge.]
REN: Captain's log. Commander Hoëk here, on a thirty-six year mission to the Crab Nebula. We've made this trip dozens of times. (to audience) You know, they say sometimes people go CRAZY on these long trips. They get the, eh...(in unearthly voice) SPACE MADNESS. (normal) Heh. Space madness. Mr Science Officer, commence relaxation period.
STIMPY: Aye aye, Cap'n.
[Ren and Stimpy at table. Mellow lounge music.]
REN: Well it's break time. We're not on duty for another six years.
STIMPY: So...whaddaya wanna do?
REN: Why don't we just spend some quality time together?
(Stimpy nods. They sit and stare at each other. Stimpy starts tapping table. It gradually gets on Ren's nerves.)
REN: (finally breaks) Do you HAVE to keep TAPPING like that? You BLOATED SACK OF PROTOPLASM!
STIMPY: Hey, Cap...ease off.
REN: Oh, hey...I'm sorry, man. I...(loosens collar) I've just been cooped up here so long.
STIMPY: I think we *both* need a good hot meal. Just hang on, OK? (returns with covered dish)
REN: Mmmmm, boy. I'm starting.
STIMPY: (lifts lid. Three tubes of food concentrate) How about that! A three course meal.
REN: That's IT! I need some REAL FOOOOOOOD! (bangs head on table)
STIMPY: (concerned, as Ren starts to cry) Relax, Cap'n. I'm here for you. Let it out. That's right. Hey! I know what you need!
[bathroom]
STIMPY: Yes, sir, a good hot bath is the best thing for nerves.
(Ren hands Stimpy a towel. Stimpy makes rattail, snaps Ren with it.)
REN: Owww! Hey! Cut that out!
(relaxing in bathtub) Ahhhhhh. (looks around guiltily as suspicious bubbles appear in bathwater)
STIMPY: I'll turn off the gravity. It'll help you relax.
REN: What a pal. Ahhh. This is the good life. Just relax...and let my mind drift.
(Ren and water float out of the tub together) Yeahhhh. I'll just relax, and think pleasant thoughts...Chicken pot pie!...Chocolate-covered raisins!...Ehh...Glazed ham!...
(Ren drifts around the room) Heh...heh...heh...they think I'm CRAZY. But I know better. It is not *I* who am crazy. It is not I who am MAD! Didn'tcha hear 'em? Didn'tcha see the CROWDS?
(Ren holds up bar of soap)Oh my beloved ice cream bar...how I love to lick your creamy center! HOOOWWWWWW...(bites soap)...and your oh-so-nutty chocolate covering! You're not like the others...you like the same things I do! Waxed paper...boiled football leather...dog breath...We're not hitchhiking anymore! We're RIDING!
STIMPY: Stop it! You're talking crazy!
REN: (suddenly paranoid) Oh no, I know what YOU want. You coveteth my ICECREAM BAR!
STIMPY: C'mon now...
REN: No you don't! You can't take it from me now. I've had this ice-cream bar since I was a CHILD! People...always trying to take it from me! Why won't they LEAVE ME ALOOOOOONNNNE?
STIMPY: E...easy, now.
REN: Back off, man! (grabs toothbrush) Don't make me use this! One stop closer, I'm WARNING ya! Don't make me use it! (Stimpy steps closer) NOW you've done it. YOU FORCED ME TO USE IT!
(horrible sounds as Ren brushes his teeth. They struggle. Ren loses)
REN: Eeee...eh...I'm hurting. (collapses)
STIMPY: You poor crazy kid!
[Bridge. Ren dictates into log.
REN: Captain's log. I'm tired. So tired. I can't believe my own partner attacked me. Maybe...if I occupy his MIND with more DUTIES, I can control his...(unearthly voice) SPACE MADNESS.
[Button room] REN: Now, listen, Cadet. I've got a JOB for you. See this button? (Stimpy reaches for the button) DON'T TOUCH IT! It's the HISTORY ERASER button, you FOOL!
STIMPY: So what'll happen?
REN: That's just IT! We don't KNOW! Maayyybeee something bad?...Mayyybeee something good! I guess we'll never know! 'Cause you're going to guard it! You won't TOUCH it, will you?
(Stimpy salutes. Ren leaves.)
REN: Hehhh...hehhhh...hehhhh...hehhhh...
(Stimpy marches back and forth, starting at the button.)
ANNOUNCER: Oh, how long can trusty Cadet Stimpy hold out? How can he possibly resist the diabolical urge to push the button that could erase his very existence? Will his tortured mind give in to its uncontrollable desires?
(Announcer grabs Stimpy, forces him closer to the button.) Can he resist the temptation to push the button that, even now, beckons him even closer? Will he succumb to the maddening urge to eradicate history? At the MERE...PUSH...of a SINGLE...BUTTON! The beeyootiful SHINY button! The jolly CANDY-LIKE button! Will he hold out, folks? CAN he hold out?
STIMPY: NO I CAN'T!!!EEEEEYAAAHHHH! (pushes button)
(Alarms go off. Ren, Stimpy, and Announcer stand around table with button.)
ANNOUNCER: Tune in next week, as...
(Flash, explosion as they all disappear.)
We see the Ren and Stimpy logo, Ren and Stimpy also flash and disappear.
______________________________________________________
MM77: So let me see BEST FRIENDS COOK
BOOK.....Roast Ray....SPANKED! Koalla..... Suicidal Quack filet!..... Evil Captain's Soup Goulash! .... Kuun delight! Yah! THAT's the TICKET! 
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#108
by Veteran Gerakken - 2/12/2004 3:39:54 AM
It looks like I haven't contributed any random mayhem for a while. So, why not? Gerakken's got to have a little fun, too! Who knows where this will go...
It is midnight in a remote forested swamp on the planet Skowbo. The moons were dark, and shapes rustled and splashed through the wetland toward a small island dominated by a massive, twisted tree. Around the ancient tree the humaniod shapes gathered, all dressed in black ceremonial robes and hoods. A circle of eight formed in what seem to be well rehearsed ritual, each one choosing a precise spot to stand.
One of the robed figures spoke in an electronically altered voice. "Skowbo has been good for us and our business. The pilgrims always have needs that cannot be satisfied in the temples. For many moons we have been able to thrive here, despite MM77's tight hold on the Temples and Stardock City. He had been easily overwhelmed and distracted before, allowing us to smuggle our goods and run our rackets in the suburbs and smaller cities of the planet. The Knights of Skowbo were also not a problem. Those pesky zealots are generally unconcered with domestic concerns, smuggling, or petty crime. They always are looking skyward for some grand alien or imperial conspiracy that could threaten the Holy Planet's neutrality. But ill times are ahead."
Another figure spoke with a distorted voice: "Indeed. The Hacker Incident, although so far singular in nature, has jolted the Knights back into action. They fear a greater conspiracy than what they even thought possible: an outside power so destructive that it could corrupt the whole Metaverse. The reaction of the Stardockian Gods, using their mighty power to stop such a potential calamity, has made the superstitious Knights reread the nearly forgotten Apocolyptic Prophesies of the old order. Thinking the Time of Trials at the End of Ages foretold in the Prophesies is near, their increased vigilance is causing strain on the shipping routes. Cargoes are being more carefully inspected and our smuggling profits are down."
A third corrupted voice interupts in a sharp tone: "The Knights do not concern us. They may catch a few goods and lower level people of ours and other organizations slipping through, but their eyes are set on bigger affairs. They will not turn their attention to us if we do not turn on them. We can compensate for the Knights. The problem is MM77, imbeciles!"
A fourth voice was a natural voice. The speaker was probably human, but the neutral tone and the total flatness and lack of emotion made determining gender, much less exact identity, impossible: "Correct. MM77's influence outside of Skowbo is limited, but on the Holy Planet he has great power. When it comes to Stardock City and the Temples, he is a godling in his own right. His power has recently grown. Now his minions can be sent anywhere with his new found linking ability. More problematic is his increased attention to detail, carefully listening to the incoming reports and able to exactly quote any incident. He is harder to distract now. This will prove costly unless rectified."
The fifth member spoke through the distinct voice of a thought translator. This language computer translates what the user thinks about saying directly into words without having to speak them first, commonly used by aliens not wishing to give away their native tongue by using a dictation translator. "How do we combat his increased presence, then? What if he takes too much interest in our affairs as well?"
Number Six in the circle raised his left arm, revealing an unnaturally long, thin index finger. A low, cold, whispered voice spoke: "The Godling has a weakness. His love of the spotlight should be fulfilled. One cannot see if blinded."
Number Seven caught on quickly. Being barely three feet tall, the shortest robed member spoke in an high pitched, increasingly excitable voice. "All the worlds are a stage, and everyone's a player. Our Godling has a weakness for song, especially when he is the artist. Perhaps we should arrange a Meta-wide tour for him. The schedule will keep him busy and the publicity will intoxicate him. Better yet, his most faithful minions will follow him on tour! Fabulous idea, Number Six! Spectatular! We might even be able to muscle into Stardock City."
The last figure in the circle of eight had an electronically altered voice similar to Number One: "So the Council has spoken. Make the proper arrangements." The figure took a step back and the other seven knelt. Number eight turned and walked quitely into the dark night. The rest of the circle rose and went their separate ways.
        
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#114
by Veteran MM77 - 2/12/2004 4:41:57 PM
Easy Kuun delight! Gerakken Bliss!
Can turn into Gerakken P!$$ed
If you spell his name WRONG! ( TRUST ME! ) 
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#116
by Veteran MM77 - 2/12/2004 5:41:06 PM
********** And now a G.C. Commercial Break **********
Mom said she's feeling, quite tired tonight!
Leaving GOOD old DAD! To get supper ALRIGHT!
Hay KIDS what would you like TONIGHT!
The KIDS ALL SCREAMED OUT!!!
Kuun delight!
My friends and I, Are at a PARTY!
The band is playing, When I see a new Ferrari!
Hay GIRLS what you'd like TONIGHT!
The GIRLS ALL YELLED OUT!
Kuun delight!
When I'm sad, And all alone,
Sitting here on the RADIO.
Mornning, Noon, Day or NIGHT!
I asked Evil Steve, What would you LIKE!
EVEN HE SCREAMED!!!
Kuun delight! 
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA
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#117
by Veteran MM77 - 2/12/2004 5:48:45 PM
Gerakken: but who knows what can happen to frequent deliberate offenders. 
And for this reason I Since COPY and PASTE his NAME! 
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#119
by Veteran MM77 - 2/12/2004 6:21:13 PM
Good luck!
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A Typical Day in the Temples of Stardock
Her Holiness KarmaGirl butted the cigarette in an ashtray. She grasped her bottle of scotch and took a quick swig. She placed the bottle on the table, shakily. Pushing her tortured blonde hair away from her eyes, she lit another cigarette and inhaled heavily. “What went wrong Elfie?”
The Goddess CariElf sipped her sparkling spring water, and looked out the window moodily. “Wrong? What went wrong? What’s been going right lately? Have a look around you, Karma…we could run this place better than some.”
Her Holiness shook her head. “Don’t go there Elfie. You know He has spies everywhere. If He hears word that we were plotting against Him…”
The Goddess sighed and started to chew her nails. “I know, I know. But when is the revolution going to come? We’ve got support in the Superior Pantheon. Momzilla is ready to help. If we can get rid of Him then we can run this city as it ought to be run! We can BE Stardock! The power of the Goddesses could make Stardock a shining beacon of hope across Skowbo! Even across the galaxy! We will rule forever, and all will worship us and despair!”
The Goddess starting chuckling, and Her Holiness joined in. Their contrasting chuckles were musical and complemented each other’s vocal range in a wonderfully musical way.
They sighed together. “But first things first Karma. My Department is in need of a programmer. I need to borrow one of yours for the latest software tests…”
KarmaGirl slammed her fist on the table. “No way. I’m having problems with the computer again. Just this week a hacker messed with some circuits. I’ve had half of the computer whipped, another quarter are being counseled. And get this: some of the computer is on hunger strike and asking for increased rations and an increase in holidays!”
The Goddess CariElf frowned. “You’re not tough enough with the computer, dear. A few whippings isn’t going to motivate it. Why don’t you threaten to send the entire computer to The Friary of the Fractious Frog for a motivational speech.” Both Goddesses shuddered.
Her Holiness KarmaGirl butted the cigarette in an ashtray. She looked at the empty bottle of scotch, reached into a drawer and pulled out a bottle of gin. She took a quick swig, and wiped her mouth, daintily. “Don’t know why I was drinking that scotch. I think it was left over from the Xmas party. Anyway, where were we? Oh yea. Once He is gone, imagine! Remember all of those projects He cancelled? We could resurrect them.”
“Oh Karma, I know. Why won’t He allow us to make ‘The Sims’? Think of it…a game where you could cook and make friends and talk about books and opera, and take spas together. I like spas.”
“Yep. And all the sequels and updates we could make: we could milk the franchise for big bucks Elfie. And what does He say? ‘It won’t sell’ Pffft. Here Elfie, have a swig of gin. It will get you through the day.”
The Goddess CariElf hesitated for just a second and then shrugged. With wild abandon she took a sip, and then another. She lit a cigarette and cautiously inhaled. “And another thing…”, she whispered and glanced around conspiratorially, “…did you hear the latest rumours in the Marketing Temple…?”
Her Holiness KarmaGirl leaned closer. “Do tell…”
   
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iz it cos e iz tanned?
