We're not trying to sell you anything.
GOOD CUZ I AINT FRIGGIN BUYING, NOR AM I GOING TO WHERE YOU WISH TO SEND ME WHERE THEY ARE FRIGGEN TRYING TO SELL ME SOMETHING. SHUT UP. I'M THE CUSTOMER AND I'M TALKING. DON'T, I REPEAT DO NOT INTERRUPT ME WHEN I'M TALKING OR YOU'LL HEAR A CLICK. I DON'T CARE THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO EARN YOUR WAY FOR A TRIP TO LOWER SLOBOVIA. I'M TRYING TO EARN MY WAY THERE TOO. BUT YOU DON'T HEAR ME BEGGING YOU TO BUY MY SHABBY PRODUCT ON THAT BASIS. AND NO, I DON'T CARE ABOUT ALL THESE GREAT PRIZES I COULD WIN. BECAUSE I WON'T WIN THOSE. I'M GONNA WIN THE FRIGGEN FANNY PACK WORTH 25 CENTS YOU HAVE ON PAGE 10 OF THE PRIZE BOOK THAT I WON'T SEE UNTILL I GET TO YOUR TIMESHARE WHEN THE SALESMAN HARASSES ME 24/7. YOU KNOW, THE ONE 99.9999999% OF US SCHMUCKS WIN!!!! HERE'S A CLUE. HIRE SOME BUXOM BLONDE I'LL NEVER HAVE A CHANCE TO GET TO SELL ME THESE THINGS. AND HAVE HER CALL ME. STARTING OUT WITH THE PHRASE "OOOO I'M DRUNK, AND HORNEY," MIGHT ACTUALLY KEEP ME ON THE LINE RATHER THAN YOUR LAME OPENING. I MIGHT ACTUALLY GO IF SHE PROMISES TO FLIRT BLATENTLY AND SHOW SOME CLEAVAGE IN FRONT OF MY WIFE!!!!. I STILL WON'T BUY MIND YOU. BUT AT LEAST I'D GO.
Can you guess what the idiot did after that?
"Well my name is Tim and I'm not trying to sell you something. I'm trying to earn my way........"
          
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This is my standard answer to telemarketers...
"Hello?"
"Hi, Barry!"(yes...they have the nerve to call me by my first name!  )
"Do I know you?"
"No, I'm from Acme Gumnuts and..."
Click.
 
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| I actually had a long distance carrier call once and apologized for bothering me when I told them I did not have a phone. |
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 Sweeeet!
My mother-in-law tells telemarketers they interupted her during sex...they usually hang up pretty quick! 
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I'd get on that do not call list, but I like to toy with em.
Try this one. No this isn't he let me get him to the phone....(wait about 30 seconds) Hello No hold on, let me get him to the phone. (wait another 30) Hello. No hold on let me get him to the phone (wait another 30) let the wife answer) Hello, no hold on let me get him to the phone. and see how far it goes.
Try this one. Oh I'm glad you called me ace's carpet cleaning. Say can you get blood off a carpet because I like need you right away... No no appointment I need you right away before it dries. It's all over the place. And do you do curtains too, and sofa's becase well it's all over the place.
Hi how are you: Answer: Well the dog died, the wife left me and I wish that situation were reversed cuz I would actually want to go get the dog. Did I tell you my hemmorrhoids are really bothering me? Let me tell you bout.....
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Door to door bible bashers here....
It really upsets them that I can generally outargue them on their own ground...
Pays to have done some theology and homiletics....
Alex
    
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I'm gonna try this one next on one of those where the caller tries to set up an appointement that another salesperson eventually comes out.
Say you got any easy buxom blonde saleswomen over there? Cuz let me tell you I'll buy anything I'm so horny. But only after I'm satisfied. No Jim won't do. Ok I don't care if she's ugly. Just send me any female over, I'm desperate.... Noooo I'm not asking for a prostitute. What do you think I am despicable? How DARE YOU TREAT A CUSTOMER LIKE THIS.
Although I wouldn't try that in Chicago. Two female real estate agents got busted up there for doing just that kind of thing. You might actually get one sent over!!!!
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| Door to door bible bashers here....It really upsets them that I can generally outargue them on their own ground...Pays to have done some theology and homiletics....Alex |
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Awake? Watchtower? Donation?
Did you know that they suspend your privilages of going door to door as a punishment? Shoot. I'd be all. OK what's bad enough to suspend my privilages without getting kicked out and sent to Hades?
It doesn't matter whether you know the bible or not. They keep arguing. You can get a priest's shirt and collar pretty cheap from a supply store. Just put it on and they tend to go away fast. LMAO.
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| Door to door bible bashers here....It really upsets them that I can generally outargue them on their own ground...Pays to have done some theology and homiletics.... |
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The jehovah's witnesses leave pretty quick when I tell them I work for the Government.
  
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| Hand phone off to 3 year old daughter. Walk away. |
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They come to your door at six o'clock asking "Have you found Jesus?" and you just want to come to the door naked and go, "No, help me find him! Here Jesus!" -Robin Williams
Sorry if that offends anyone.
I find it interesting that you can show them the same stuff you are saying in YOUR version of the Bible, and they still try to tell you that you are wrong. Next time I am going to ask first for their soliciting license. If they don't have one, I will then tell them that I have a 12-gague shotgun- legal with permit- hidden behind the door. Because they have no license, they are tresspassing and under U.S. law, you can shoot tresspassers first, and ask questions later. Then, I will threaten to shoot them, demand them to drop all of their crap, and demand that they run away from my yard before I shoot them. I HATE the Jehovahs witnesses!
[Message Edited]
[Message Edited]
  
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Wow! That's pretty harsh. You sure you don't work for the LAPD?
(just kidding!)
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LAPD? That doesn't make sense! I said nothing of public beating! 
[Message Edited]
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I've done two things
opens door, blank stare, scream demonically "THERE IS NO GOD! THERE IS ONLY SATAN! AND WE ARE HIS CHILDREN!
opens door, say sheepishly, "Sorry, I was just doing... something." (loud scream from inside house) "I'll be right back."
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that make me ask people to buy me a new keyboard (cos this one is full of coffee!)
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