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Time for a Joke or two.
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#1
by Senator Drengin - 3/18/2004 6:15:57 PM
If Dr. Seuss was a technical writerWhat if Dr. Seuss was a technical writer? Here are several examples of what he may write to help you resolve your computer problems.
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
If the above doesn't help with your computer troubles, perhaps this will.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc, Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!
          
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Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall.
Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with.
Control \kon-trol'\: A short, ugly inmate.
Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Eclipse \i-klips'\: What an English barber does for a living.
Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Heroes \hee'-rhos\: What a guy in a boat does.
Left Bank : What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
Misty \mis'-tee\: How golfers create divots.
Paradox \par'-u-doks\: Two physicians.
Parasites \par'-uh-sites\: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: A helper on the farm.
Polarize \po'-lur-ize\: What penguins see with.
Relief \ree-leef'\: What trees do in the spring.
Rubberneck \rub'-er-nek\: What you do to relax your wife.
Seamstress \seem'-stres\: Describes 200 pounds in a size two.
Selfish \sel'-fish\: What the owner of a seafood store does.
Subdued \sub-dood'\: A guy that works on one of those submarines.
Sudafed \sood'-a-fed\: Bringing litigation against a government official
  
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| Sudafed \sood'-a-fed\: Bringing litigation against a government official |
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| I'm sure there's joke some place involving Loth, Kazzryl and a pot but I just can't for the life of me remember... |
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I want to hear this one!
   
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One day a man (or woman) was walking in the desert and came across the truth. God said to the devil "what are you going to do now devil, they've found the truth." And the devil said "I'll get the Drengin to organise it!!".
[Message Edited]
 
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Top 10 Star Trek Bumper Stickers
10) Our other starship separates into THREE pieces!
9) One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day...think about it.
8) HONK if you've slept with Commander Riker!
7) Guns don't kill people, Mark VII phaser rifles do.
6) Zero to warp 9.7 in 3 seconds!
5) We break for cubes.
4) If you can read this...don't you think you're a wee bit too close?
3) Have you hugged a Ferengi Today?
2) Wesley on board!
1) CAUTION! We have a trigger-happy Klingon at tactical!
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Top 10 Signs Found on the Enterprise
10) On trash can in holodeck: "Thank you for keeping the holodeck litter-free."
9) On shuttlecraft: "I brake for Klingon Birds of Prey"
8) In Deanna's quarters: "Chocolate is my life"
7) Anywhere: "Garage sale in Cargo Bay One!"
6) In Ten Forward: "For good time call..."
5) Outside Data's quarters: "Warning: Aggressive Felis domesticus!"
4) Anywhere: "Phasers don't kill people; Klingons do"
3) In Beverly Crusher's quarters: "My son is on the Honor Roll at Starfleet Academy"
2) "Daily Holodeck maintenance from 2 AM - 11 PM"
1) Anywhere: "Have you hugged your starship captain today?"
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101 Reasons Why Picard Was Better Than Kirk
1. Kirk was a leader of followers. That's the only reason he (almost) got away with it.
2. Picard's worst episodes were originally written for Kirk.
3. Picard discovers new life, new civilizations and strange new worlds, not discarded movie sets from period 1950's dramas.
4. Picard can act out entire Shakespearean plays, not merely remember 1 or 2 lines.
5. Picard can get his ship to orbit a planet in both directions.
6. Picard would never ever date a shape-shifter who had previously morphed into a little girl.
7. Picard doesn't need to wear glasses.
8. Picard has so much back-bone Starfleet designers had to cut out a section of his command chair for it all to fit in.
9. Picard didn't have to reprogram a computer to give him better grades in order to graduate from Starfleet Academy.
10. Picard has to contend with crap Starfleet Admirals. If he stole a starship, he'd get vaporized, not given captaincy of a new one like in the easy old days.
11. Picard commands his ship using the big head.
12. Picard has a ship whose engines can take it.
13. Three words: seven whole seasons.
14. Picard never uses Grecian 2000.
15. Picard has to contend with the "Prime Directive" - a ruling imposed on him by Starfleet after they saw what a complete shambles resulted when they let Kirk meet new alien races.
16. The only way Picard would allow tribbles on his ship would be as hors d'oeuvres.
17. Picard never met Joan Collins.
18. Picard's bridge doesn't sound like an aviary.
19. Picard participates in the odd archaeological dig. Kirk would make a suitable subject for one.
20. One question: to which Captain would you entrust the safety of your daughter?
21. Picard is far too cool to beam down to a planet, strip to his waist and wrestle with some guy in a rubber lizard suit. He lets his First Officer do all that for him.
22. Picard never shot his best friend's body into space in a photon torpedo.
23. Kirk probably thinks a concerto is a kind of ice cream dessert.
24. Picard doesn't need hair - real or not.
25. Picard's crew are too sophisticated to be taken over by a bunch of women in go-go boots and have the most intelligent person aboard controlled by a box that has less buttons than a Super Nintendo joypad.
26. One word: SQUISHED (what would happen to Kirk and his ship had he met the Borg and tried to deal with them in the same manner as he deals with most other things).
27. Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale population. Just goes to show how questionable his sexual practices really are.
28. If their situations were reversed, Kirk would probably nail Lwaxana Troi. Picard has standards.
29. Kirk can just about drive a stick-shift. Picard sells Pontiacs during the commercial break.
30. Picard has a real bar aboard his ship.
31. Picard would never have let his second in command irradiate himself in the engine room.
32. While Kirk did make most of the decisions aboard his ship, this was only because advice from his crew was almost exclusively limited to "That's illogical Captain," "It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim," "It's life, but not as we know it" and "Klingons on the starboard bow." Small wonder really.
33. Unlike Kirk's, Picard's middle name doesn't sound like an infectious disease.
34. You'd never have to clean Picard's semen out of the holodeck after he'd used it.
35. Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulfur, potassium nitrate & charcoal and used it to fire diamonds into the hearts of his enemies. Picard is a starship captain, not MacGyver.
36. Picard has only stooped to the dire act of feigning illness to attract a guard's attention once.
37. Kirk has to fight Klingons to get his way. Picard only has to tell them what to do.
38. Picard would never wear eye makeup. Ever.
39. Picard has a small, convenient hands-free communicator, not a Fisher Price spin-n-whizz baby toy.
40. Picard would never let himself get turned into a woman.
41. Picard and his crew can solve a week's mystery in 44 minutes flat. Kirk used to take 50 plus.
42. Picard never has to sign an Etch-a-Sketch attendance register kept by Yeomans with hair like a helmet.
43. Picard never cries in front of his crew when one of them gets killed.
44. Picard never has pretentious episode titles like, "For the world is hollow and I have touched the sky".
45. Kirk is so boring he's caused several computers to self-destruct merely by talking to them. 46. Picard knows how to make a starship last. Kirk has gone through 3 already; that's a trifle careless.
47. Picard's engineers never lie to him about how long it takes to fix something, because no one, not even Starfleet engineers, mess with Picard.
48. Okay, so Picard is French. But at least he speaks with an English accent.
49. Picard chews out Klingons. Kirk chews on Klingons.
50. Picard can climb rocks without falling off.
51. Picard's uniform fits. Particularly around the midriff.
52. Picard had a large serrated knife pushed into his back, through his heart and out his chest.... and he just laughed at it!!
53. Kirk fights like Adam West.
54. Picard blows up another starship more than once a season.
55. Picard never has Commies aboard his ship. Kirk has one at the helm.
56. Picard never has to put bits of Lego into his computers to make them work.
57. Picard made sure all the beds in his sickbay looked even more uncomfortable than Kirk's so he'd have fewer slackers.
58. Picard's phaser fires a burst of potentially lethal energy. It does not fire a stream of red felt-tip pen.
59. Women chase Picard. Kirk has to go out and bag his (except for the ones with green skin).
60. Picard never needs a pessimistic Scot to beam him out of the crap when things get ugly.
61. When Picard has a holiday he goes home, gets drunk and brawls. Kirk sits at a camp-fire toasting marshmallows while singing "Row row row your boat" .
62. Picard ate Romulan soup and didn't even flinch. Much.
63. The Klingons in Kirk's day were real wusses.
64. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
65. Picard's girlfriends just look good. In any light.
66. Picard once sent an entire ship full of people through a worm-hole to their certain doom. And just because his bartender suggested it might be a laugh to do so.
67. Picard doesn't need to jump through big stone doughnuts to travel in time.
68. Remember the time when the Captain of the Enterprise was a slow-moving, monosyllabic automaton with a funny name? But enough about Kirk, wasn't Picard terrific as a Borg?
69. Kirk only managed to make himself look relatively attractive by carefully selecting his crew; contrast is everything.
70. Picard has only ever gone crazy once, and then he did something really cool like draw a smiley face in the cloud emanating from a warp core explosion.
71. Picard would never let his son get killed by Klingons.
72. Two words: Command presence.
73. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he'd probably try to mate with it.
74. Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked around Sherwood Forest. Kirk has no sense of humour.
75. Kirk's First Officer played some form of Vulcan harp, an instrument that makes the trombone look like just about the most macho thing this side of Kirk's wig.
76. How many innocent yellow-shirted security officers have been killed by crazed aliens who had taken pot shots at them in the mistaken belief that they were actually shooting at Kirk.
77. Kirk commands his ship as if he's driving a tractor across an Iowa wheat field.
78. When Picard was 37, he was the Captain of the lowly Stargazer. Starfleet soon learned the value of "progressive experience" having witnessed the disastrous consequences of letting someone take charge of a real ship when their previous vehicular experience extended only as far as driving a tractor across an Iowa wheat field.
79. If Kirk had a doctor like Beverly Crusher, Starfleet would have to relocate the command chair in sick-bay.
80. Picard has more than one token black on his crew.
81. Picard isn't afraid to go places without a security team.
82. Picard doesn't wear pansy sailor-boy markings on his cuffs.
83. Picard has shuttlecraft that can travel faster than Kirk's ship.
84. Picard would never have said "He's had too much LDS".
85. Picard never has to say stupid things like, "I...am a Gr'up!" in front of young teenage girls who fancy him.
86. Picard was actually in his own show's pilot episode.
87. Picard never visits planets that look suspiciously like a Californian desert.
88. Picard won't spend his retirement writing science fiction books or making cameo appearances in Zemeckis & Zemeckis films.
89. Picard was never demoted to a lieutenant in the L.A. Police Department.
90. Picard's doctor doesn't have to keep reminding him what her job is.
91. Picard doesn't have to operate his turbo lifts using hand pumps.
92. Picard's main viewer is a 200 inch hi-definition TV with Nicam and Pro-Logic surround-sound .
93. Picard's ego wouldn't demand $7 million for a 10 minute appearance in a movie.
94. Picard can spend more than 15 minutes on a planet before being shot at or locked up.
95. Picard's ship was never taken over by a door-to-door salesman.
96. If the Borg had assimilated Kirk, they wouldn't have learned anything.
97. Picard's First Officer eats the things that attack Kirk in alien forests.
98. Picard would never blow up his own ship.
99. Imagine you have to impose your authority: "This is Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise. Now introduce yourself as "James Tiberius Kirk, but you can call me Jim." See the difference?
100. Who ever heard of the Patrick Stewart foundation?
101. One word: Intelligence.
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BONUS: 101 More Reasons...
1. Two Words: better voice.
2. Picard's ship's counselor traded in her miniskirt for that great low-cut neckline.
3. Kirk fought over women. Picard had women fight over him.
4. Picard fire both photon torpedoes AND phasers at the same time when in battle.
5. Picard's ship is better than Kirk's -- better, faster, stronger.
6. Picard hates children -- Kirk once rescued a bunch of patricidal little maniacs, tried to console them, and almost lost his ship and crew in the process.
7. Picard was responsible for Beverly Crusher's husband dying, berated her son constantly in her presence, yet still managed to make her fall for him.
8. Though admittedly he's seldom a patron, Picard's ship actually has a BAR.
9. Kirk fought others himself, Picard has others do his fighting for him.
10. When nurse Chapel re-appeared as Troi's mother, she fell for Picard.
11. In seven years, Picard never developed a gut like Kirk's.
12. Picard was never killed by his first officer.
13. Picard's family made alcoholic beverages for a living.
14. Kirk kept losing security guards throughout each season; Picard has kept Worf for seven years.
15. No member of Picard's crew was EVER based on a member of the Monkees.
16. Two words: better actor.
17. Picard can do better impressions of his first officer.
18. Picard single-handedly saved the Federation, the Klingon Empire, and all of humanity while still a lowly captain.
19. Picard's a better musician than Kirk, while admittedly that's not saying much.
20. Picard's crew members sleep with one another on a regular basis.
21. Picard's crew gambles.
22. Picard's engine room has that neat warp coil that glows.
23. Picard's ship has better control panels instead of a series of Lite-Brite boards.
24. Picard would never star in a show like "T.J. Hooker."
25. Picard would never have allowed Charlie X aboard his ship.
26. No sideburns. 'Nuff said.
27. Picard's first officer never seized control of the ship to transport a former captain anywhere.
28. Despite the Borg incident, Picard is still welcome back at Starfleet HQ. Kirks name is an anathema to Starfleet HQ and alien races alike.
29. Picard never ordered his ship to self-destruct as a bluff; when he orders it to do so, he MEANS it.
30. Picard's ship was never taken over by its own computer and made to attack other Starfleet vessels.
31. Picard has never been made into a bad Filmation cartoon.
32. Picard was able to bring Denise Crosby back from the dead. Need we say more?
33. Picard infiltrated Romulus, posed as an intergalactic mercenary, and was tortured extensively after capture by the Cardassians -- and never broke a sweat.
34. Picard has never been demoted.
35. Picard has never had his body taken over by a former lover.
36. Picard has never developed amnesia and thought he was an Indian.
37. Picard has never encountered aliens from weird planets like "Zatar."
38. Picard's quarters have a window.
39. Nobody ever back-slaps Picard.
40. Picard was never involved in any hokey shootouts at the OK corral.
41. Picard is a caffeine addict. (All that Earl Grey tea.)
42. One word: Leadership.
43. Kirk is not a sex symbol. Never was, never will be.
44. If Picard had a son, he wouldn't lose a fight to a Klingon whose commander was Christopher Lloyd.
45. Speaking of losing, Picard has never lost a first officer to a man who once made a career out of selling Chrysler Cordobas, either.
46. Picard would never be so stupid as to go rock climbing without equipment and rely on an overweight first officer with rocket boots to save him.
47. Picard would never stand for playing "Row Row Row your boat" around a campfire.
48. When Picard enters a room, people fall silent; when Kirk enters one, they keep on drinking.
49. Picard has that cool, futuristic artificial heart.
50. When Picard has an alternate reality experience, it's worth watching and caring about.
51. Picard never expects the impossible from his engineer.
52. When Klingons are aboard Picard's ship, they don't go rampaging about with 17th century weaponry.
53. Picard has more class than Kirk ever had.
54. If poor judgment were bricks, Kirk would be a housing project.
55. Picard had the chutzpah to admit when he screwed up instead of putting on a face which only made things worse.
56. Picard doesn't rely on the Organians to help him settle intergalactic squabbles.
57. Picard gets along with the aliens aboard his ship.
58. It's unlikely Picard ever contracted a sexually-transmitted disease.
59. One word: diagnostic (Never heard it on the old show.)
60. All that cool technical jargon (Also never heard on old show.)
61. Picard has hair on his chest.
62. Picard can actually make being bald, middle-aged, and scrawny look sexy & macho.
63. Kirk sat alone in the middle of his bridge; Picard kept counselor Troi within easy reach and view at all times.
64. Picard has never mutinied or had his crew mutiny against him.
65. When Picard gets drunk, he tracks mud all over the house and gets in a fight. When Kirk gets drunk, he passes out.
66. Picard hired Whoopi Goldberg to work in his bar.
67. Picard is not afraid to mind-meld.
68. Picard's ex kept her name even after the divorce; Kirk's kept it a secret even from her son. 69. Picard like solving mysteries; Kirk couldn't figure one out if he tried.
70. Picard has never messed up with the transporter.
71. Picard has never been bitten by a mugatto. Nor has he ever allowed shape-shifting salt vampires aboard his ship, either.
72. Picard has never aged prematurely.
73. Picard wasn't afraid to take on Satan.
74. Picard knows Gilgamesh & is able to recite it.
75. Picard argues with his captors while being tortured, Kirk merely screams in agony.
76. Picard never brought a woman back from the 20th Century only to have her blow him off in front of the entire Federation assembly.
77. When Picard talks, people listen.
78. If Picard were a late-night talk-show host, he'd be Dick Cavett. If Kirk were a late-night host, he'd be Chevy Chase.
79. NO ONE laughs when Picard's Doctor says, "He's dead, Jean-Luc."
80. Picard has never kissed a Romulan.
81. Picard has never crashed in San Francisco bay in a pirated spacecraft.
82. Picard would never have brought "Nomad" aboard his ship.
83. If Khan came aboard Picard's ship, Picard would have had the common sense to restrict what technical manuals he would've been allowed to review.
84. If Picard found a huge glowing sphere in the middle of outer space only to discover it was controlled by a child with an ugly puppet, he'd be pissed.
85. Picard would never ATTEMPT hand-to-hand combat with a Gorn.
86. Picard would never have dropped the charges against Khan.
87. Kirk actually tried to defend the idea of intergalactic war with the Klingons.
88. When Kirk went back in time, he frequently messed with history to suit his own ends.
89. Picard probably would have found the Galileo 7 in less time than it took Kirk.
90. Three words: Better costume variety.
91. Kirk tries, usually unsuccessfully, to respect other cultures. Picard tries, usually successfully, to get other cultures to respect him.
92. Kirk's occasional game of choice is 3-D chess, Picard's is poker.
93. "Picard" has more syllables than "Kirk."
94. Can't forget those neat collar insignias.
95. Picard's not afraid to deal with more advanced cultures & has done so on a number of occasions.
96. Picard's been on both Klingon birds-of-prey AND the heavy cruisers (and lived to tell about it).
97. When Picard goes undercover, he makes it look easy.
98. Though Picard has contempt for aliens like the Cardassians, he doesn't let it show.
99. Kirk wears boots -- Picard wears shoes. And as we all know, it's gotta be the shoes...
100. Assimilating has never been a problem for Picard.
101. Picard has never trashed Gene Roddenberry.
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Top 10 Command Decisions Captain Picard Has To Make
10) Should he send Dr. Crusher an FTD Pick-Me-Up bouquet?
9) How big a tip to leave in 10-Forward.
8) Should he open hailing frequencies or beam over a nice Hallmark card instead?
7) Stock up on minoxidol or turtle wax?
6) Whether or not to have easy-listening music played in the turbolifts.
5) Should he put Spock on his Christmas card list?
4) Whether or not to have Data's cat neutered.
3) Whether or not to have Commander Riker neutered.
2) Twinings Earl Grey? or Celestial Seasonings?
1) Keep matter/antimatter warp engines or switch over to natural gas?
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Top 10 April Fool's Jokes on the USS Enterprise
10) Everybody act like Riker is the captain.
9) Pretend you've been taken over by an alien being.
8) Program the replicator in Troi's room so that it won't make chocolate.
7) Replay file tape of Borg ship on main viewer.
6) Tell Data that StarFleet has decided to dismantle him.
5) Put a small speaker in Dr. Crusher's bedroom to play garbled voices.
4) Lock Picard in the children's schoolroom with several children and no adults.
3) Substitute some of Dr. Crusher's moss with moss showing 24 hours more growth.
2) Yell into your communicator "Captain, the antimatter containment fields are collapsing."
1) Put a sign on Worf's back that says "K'ick Me!"
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Top 10 Signs The Enterprise Has Picked Up A Bad Ambassador
10) Beams aboard with a bunch of crates saying "don't worry about food, I brought my own"
9) Casually asks for a lot of technical information and if by any chance they are going near the Neutral Zone
8) They become attracted to Troi
7) Keeps playing "pull my finger" with Data
6) Complains to Dr. Crusher about the poor quality of replicated blood
5) Spends a lot of time in the holodeck with Barclay's programs
4) Someone accidentally bumps into him and half the crew mysteriously slips into a coma
3) Asks Alexander if he's ever watched Gladiator movies
2) Inquires about Federation laws regarding paternity suits
1) When they zoom in the ambassador for more than 3 seconds in the opening
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Top 25 Things That Never Happen in Star Trek
1) The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has encountered before.
2) The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists who are all perfectly all right.
3) The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.
4) The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for which the cure is found in the well-stocked sickbay.
5) A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
6) A power surge on the Bridge fails to electrocute the user of a computer panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection feature called a 'fuse'.
7) The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.
8) The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger.
9) The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange, and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end.
10) The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which is in no way connected with the 20th century.
11) Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.
12) A major StarFleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, and some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
13) The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.
14) The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny day
15) An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant."
16) A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a single malfunction trapping him/her there.
17) Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, "Did he read you love poetry?! Did he serve you poisonous tea?! He's MINE!"
18) When Worf tells the bridge officers that something is entering visual range no one says "On screen."
19) Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond to one of the Enterprise's hails.
20) Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck, (pity this wasn't done in "Deja Vu" then we could have seen it 5 times without rewinding the tape).
21) Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode without having a hot flush and getting breathless every time Picard is in the room.
22) Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up comedy routine.
23) Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode, or even: Kirk (or Riker) meets an attractive woman and does not fall in love.
24) The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the StarFleet Prime Directive.
25) An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to tell the tale.
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There's A Hole In The Warp Field
Sung to the tune of: "There's a Hole in the Bucket"
(Singers: Geordi LaForge and Leah Brahms)
There's a hole in the warp field, dear Leah, dear Leah,
There's a hole in the warp field, dear Leah, a hole.
Patch the hole then, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, dear Geordi,
Patch the hole then, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, patch the hole.
With what shall I patch it, dear Leah, dear Leah,
With what shall I patch it, dear Leah, with what?
Use a phase shift, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, dear Geordi,
Use a phase shift, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, a phase shift.
And how shall I shift it, dear Leah, dear Leah,
And how shall I shift it, dear Leah, just how?
Reverse the polarity, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, dear Geordi,
Reverse the polarity, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, the polarity.
How shall I reverse it, dear Leah, dear Leah,
How shall I reverse it, dear Leah, just how?
Reconfigure the crystals, dear Geordi, dear Geordi,
Reconfigure the crystals, dear Geordi, the crystals.
With what shall I reconfigure them, dear Leah, dear Leah,
With what shall I reconfigure them, dear Leah, with what?
With a proton beam, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, dear Geordi,
With a proton beam, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, a proton beam.
And how shall I make it, dear Leah, dear Leah,
And how shall I make it, dear Leah, this beam?
Extend the warp field, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, dear Geordi,
Extend the warp field, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, extend the field.
There's a hole in the warp field, dear Leah, dear Leah...
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"Ode To Spot"
Author: Commander Data, USS Enterprise
Felis Cattus is your taxonomic nomenclature,
an endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature.
Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses
contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses.
I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations,
a singular development of cat communications,
that obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
for a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.
A tail, quite essential for your acrobatic talents;
you would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance.
And when not being utilized to aid in locomotion,
it often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.
Oh Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display
connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.
And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend,
I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.
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Those are great Renegade!
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I almost wet on my undergarments after reading them.!!!
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I have the audio of Ode to Spot!
   
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