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RADIO S.O.S. EMPIER THREAD / BAR AND GRILL
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#150
by Veteran Gerakken - 6/25/2004 5:50:23 PM
| Maybe with LORD Gerakken of the WISE |
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Do not invoke the name of Lord Gerakken lightly! No one wants more attention from the all sneaking, all seeing, all knowing one!
See what horrors would be unleashed if I took it to the next level and checked into the insane asylum instead of merely visiting? But call me what you will. Now to continue with the story, as long a delay as it has been:
Foul deeds had been done on Skowbo. The Eight Shadow Masters worked diligently on their evil conspiracy to control the media centers of Stardock City. To control the media centers was to control Skowbo. The Eight were not satisfied with a small amount of organized crime in some backwater cities of Skowbo. They wanted to own the streets in Stardock City as well. Slowly, but surely, agents of the eight bought more and more advertising time on the media centers, pushing both their legitimate products and services and shady nightclubs where all manners of illegal dealings where going on: drugs, prostitution, arms smuggling just to name a few. They were creating a consumer culture planet wide beholden to material goods and personal pleasure over the worship of the gods.
MM77 was seen and heard of less and less. The powerful DJ Godling and his fellows were being literally drowned out by commercials as the cadre of advertisers convinced the media centers that they could make more money by airing more ads and less of those pesky, expensive DJs. In fact, for a time the media centers went nearly jockless altogether, with Yor robots running the ads and the videos.
The Eight convened once again, their plot in full motion, discussing their success:
Number One calls the meeting to order. Thin, wrinkled fingers extended out of the cloak, holding a staff which was slowly raised and then lowered. An electronically altered voice projects from the dark hood: "Our plans go well. The Godling has been silenced, our business is booming, the once impenetrable capital of Stardock City is rife with vice. People have grown less devout in their worship, more concerned with their own needs. Instead of giving money to the Temples, they are more likely giving it to us."
The next figure in the circle projects another altered voice: "Indeed. The Knights of Skowbo are almost all in seclusion or on assignment off planet. They are troubled by the changes in the populace, but still convinced that it is a natural social change and the real threats are elsewhere. The Godling has also been quiet. All seems well."
The third figure interjects, with sounds more like growling and hissing than a voice: "For once, I agree with Number Two. The Knights are not a problem at the moment. I am still concerned about the Godling, however. We know not exactly what caused his silence. We are fools to think that he would just be drowned off the airwaves by ads and lack of attention and not have fought back if he had the means. There are many things we do not know of him. Too many things."
Number Four spoke with his flat, emotionless tone: "All is going well. The Knights are not hindering us, and neither is the Godling. There is nothing in our way. We will monitor the situation carefully to assure continued success."
Number Five projects through a thought translator, "Complacency breeds complications. Nothing lasts forever. We need plans for the future."
The sixth member extends his unnaturally long, bony finger toward Number Five and speaks with a cold, whispery voice: "One can worry too much as well as too little."
Number Seven, the smallest figure of the group being only three feet tall, chimed in with a high, squeaky voice: "What is there to worry about? It's all good! These people are eating out of our hand and don't even know it. They are paying more attention to themselves and less to the Temples or the gods. Best of all, they are paying us more money! What could go wrong? It's a no lose situation for us!"
"I have my doubts, but who am I to refute the results," the last figure stated in an altered voice similar to Number One. "The Council has spoken. We are adjourned." Number Eight takes a step back and the other seven kneel in respect. After a pause, Number Eight turns and walks away into the dark swamp. The other rise and walk off in seperate directions.
        
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eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeecreak
zip
BAAA
easy daisy.
WHO BE THIS GOODY TWO SHOE STRANGER WOT DISTURBS LORD EVIL STEVE'S PEN OF LOVE? U IZ LOOKIN' STRANGELY FAMILIAR DARK AND HANDSOME STRANGER WITH A NICE TURN OF PHRASE AND A DEVIL MAY CARE DEMEANOR AND A RAFFISH BOYLIKE GRIN, WELL ENDOWED WIV A PRODIGIOUS INTELLECT. BUT BEGONE FOUL ANGEL OF LIGHT AND HOPE FOR IN LORD EVIL STEVE'S PEN OF LOVE YOU HOLD NO SWAY!
FETCH ME MY SHEEP OF BURNING GOLD!
scuttle scuttle, drag, drag.
ZIP!
FETCH ME MY LANCE!
scuttle, scuttle, drag, drag
ZIP!
FETCH ME MY WELLIES OF DESIRE!
scuttle, scuttle, drag, drag
ZIP!
RUSTLE!
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HELLO YOU! MOTHER F#@%^&'S......zzzzzzzzzzzzzt..zzzzzzzzzzzt....Is it SAFE?.....zzzzzzzzt...What we have here is FAILURE to COMMUNICATE!......zzzzzzzzzzzzzt..zzzzzzzzzzzt...I don't like what is going on here anymore than YOU! BUT! If that's what ONE wants,.. ONE GET'S!...zzzzzzzzzzzzzt.BULL S#%$ !....zzzzzzzzzzzt...Mississippi SHEEP!..... Do you know what I mean..zzzzzzt..zzzzzzt...Stand buy you SHEEP! Give them some LOVE to cling to..zzzzzzzt.... zzzzzzzt....there were certain rustlers who would HURT! The SHEEP in anyway thay COULD!...zzzzzzzzzzzzt...HAY!..RUSTLERS!..LEAVE THOSE SHEEP ALONE!zzzzzzzzzzzzt...All in all their just a.....nother SHEEP in the HOLE!zzzzzzzzzzzzzt...If you don't feed the SHEEP! How can YOU have any PUDDING! How can YOU have any PUDDING! If you don't feed the SHEEP!..zzzzzzzt.... zzzzzzzt....OOOOH FLANKED AGAIN! Are you feeling OK? OOOOH FLANKED AGAIN! Are you feeling OK?!..zzzzzzzt.... zzzzzzzt............
This is DJ LORD EVIL STEVE at W.S.O.S....WAVE SENTINELS OF SKOWBO in there EMPIER THREAD.
Kicking off another song by our BELOVED LORD TYRANT called Gerraken.......
Can you feel the rum Gerraken?
I remember long ago another starry night like this
In the firelight Gerraken
You were humming to yourself and softly strumming your sheep
I could hear the glug of rum
And sounds of lambing calls were coming from your keep
They were closer now Gerraken
Every hour every minute seemed to last eternally
I was so afraid Gerraken
We were young and full of life and none of us prepared to rustle
And I'm not ashamed to say
The bleat of sheeps and lambs made me want your castle
There was something in the air that night
The stars were bright, Gerraken
They were shining there for you and me
For rustling, Gerraken
Though I never thought that we could lose
There's no regret
If I had to do the same again
I would, my friend, Gerraken
zzzzzzzzzzzzt
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#155
by Veteran MM77 - 6/26/2004 7:54:22 AM
I CAN'T WAIT! TO HEAR Gerakken's next tale of the KNIGHTS of SKOWBO! 
But in the meantime let's see what's on TV......click!
by Evil Steve
ANNOUNCER: All systems go! Prepare for countdown! Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one! Blast off to adventure in the amazing year Four Hundred Billion, with Commander Hoëk and his faithful companion, Cadet Stimpy! As they roam the endless uncharted regions of space at speeds so fantastic they boggle the imagination!
[on bridge]
REN: Prepare to surge to sublight speed.
(Stimpy presses button. Alarms go off, etc. Ren and Stimpy grimace.)
REN: En..gage..
(Spaceship accelerates insanely, and they both scream.)
ANNOUNCER: You'll see futuristic technologies! Thrilling headgear! Spine-tingling toast! Be there! Scour the spaceways! Explore vast ALIEN WORLDS!
[Alien planet. Ren and Stimpy are both in a giant spacesuit.]
REN: Come in, Cadet Stimpy. Do you read me?
STIMPY: (Stands up next to Ren) Cadet Stimpy here. We read you. Roger.
(Roger appears next to them.) Roger here.
ANNOUNCER: OK space cadets! Prepare to hurtle through the cosmos in today's turgid episode...
"Space Madness"
[Interior of spaceship. Ren and Stimpy are on the bridge.]
REN: Captain's log. Commander Hoëk here, on a thirty-six year mission to the Crab Nebula. We've made this trip dozens of times. (to audience) You know, they say sometimes people go CRAZY on these long trips. They get the, eh...(in unearthly voice) SPACE MADNESS. (normal) Heh. Space madness. Mr Science Officer, commence relaxation period.
STIMPY: Aye aye, Cap'n.
[Ren and Stimpy at table. Mellow lounge music.]
REN: Well it's break time. We're not on duty for another six years.
STIMPY: So...whaddaya wanna do?
REN: Why don't we just spend some quality time together?
(Stimpy nods. They sit and stare at each other. Stimpy starts tapping table. It gradually gets on Ren's nerves.)
REN: (finally breaks) Do you HAVE to keep TAPPING like that? You BLOATED SACK OF PROTOPLASM!
STIMPY: Hey, Cap...ease off.
REN: Oh, hey...I'm sorry, man. I...(loosens collar) I've just been cooped up here so long.
STIMPY: I think we *both* need a good hot meal. Just hang on, OK? (returns with covered dish)
REN: Mmmmm, boy. I'm starting.
STIMPY: (lifts lid. Three tubes of food concentrate) How about that! A three course meal.
REN: That's IT! I need some REAL FOOOOOOOD! (bangs head on table)
STIMPY: (concerned, as Ren starts to cry) Relax, Cap'n. I'm here for you. Let it out. That's right. Hey! I know what you need!
[bathroom]
STIMPY: Yes, sir, a good hot bath is the best thing for nerves.
(Ren hands Stimpy a towel. Stimpy makes rattail, snaps Ren with it.)
REN: Owww! Hey! Cut that out!
(relaxing in bathtub) Ahhhhhh. (looks around guiltily as suspicious bubbles appear in bathwater)
STIMPY: I'll turn off the gravity. It'll help you relax.
REN: What a pal. Ahhh. This is the good life. Just relax...and let my mind drift.
(Ren and water float out of the tub together) Yeahhhh. I'll just relax, and think pleasant thoughts...Chicken pot pie!...Chocolate-covered raisins!...Ehh...Glazed ham!...
(Ren drifts around the room) Heh...heh...heh...they think I'm CRAZY. But I know better. It is not *I* who am crazy. It is not I who am MAD! Didn'tcha hear 'em? Didn'tcha see the CROWDS?
(Ren holds up bar of soap)Oh my beloved ice cream bar...how I love to lick your creamy center! HOOOWWWWWW...(bites soap)...and your oh-so-nutty chocolate covering! You're not like the others...you like the same things I do! Waxed paper...boiled football leather...dog breath...We're not hitchhiking anymore! We're RIDING!
STIMPY: Stop it! You're talking crazy!
REN: (suddenly paranoid) Oh no, I know what YOU want. You coveteth my ICECREAM BAR!
STIMPY: C'mon now...
REN: No you don't! You can't take it from me now. I've had this ice-cream bar since I was a CHILD! People...always trying to take it from me! Why won't they LEAVE ME ALOOOOOONNNNE?
STIMPY: E...easy, now.
REN: Back off, man! (grabs toothbrush) Don't make me use this! One stop closer, I'm WARNING ya! Don't make me use it! (Stimpy steps closer) NOW you've done it. YOU FORCED ME TO USE IT!
(horrible sounds as Ren brushes his teeth. They struggle. Ren loses)
REN: Eeee...eh...I'm hurting. (collapses)
STIMPY: You poor crazy kid!
[Bridge. Ren dictates into log.
REN: Captain's log. I'm tired. So tired. I can't believe my own partner attacked me. Maybe...if I occupy his MIND with more DUTIES, I can control his...(unearthly voice) SPACE MADNESS.
[Button room] REN: Now, listen, Cadet. I've got a JOB for you. See this button? (Stimpy reaches for the button) DON'T TOUCH IT! It's the HISTORY ERASER button, you FOOL!
STIMPY: So what'll happen?
REN: That's just IT! We don't KNOW! Maayyybeee something bad?...Mayyybeee something good! I guess we'll never know! 'Cause you're going to guard it! You won't TOUCH it, will you?
(Stimpy salutes. Ren leaves.)
REN: Hehhh...hehhhh...hehhhh...hehhhh...
(Stimpy marches back and forth, starting at the button.)
ANNOUNCER: Oh, how long can trusty Cadet Stimpy hold out? How can he possibly resist the diabolical urge to push the button that could erase his very existence? Will his tortured mind give in to its uncontrollable desires?
(Announcer grabs Stimpy, forces him closer to the button.) Can he resist the temptation to push the button that, even now, beckons him even closer? Will he succumb to the maddening urge to eradicate history? At the MERE...PUSH...of a SINGLE...BUTTON! The beeyootiful SHINY button! The jolly CANDY-LIKE button! Will he hold out, folks? CAN he hold out?
STIMPY: NO I CAN'T!!!EEEEEYAAAHHHH! (pushes button)
(Alarms go off. Ren, Stimpy, and Announcer stand around table with button.)
ANNOUNCER: Tune in next week, as...
(Flash, explosion as they all disappear.)
We see the Ren and Stimpy logo, Ren and Stimpy also flash and disappear.
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#123 by Citizen Lord Exar Kuun - 6/23/2004 2:31:54 PM
I am the most EVIL one here. Now watch me prove it with this terrifying display of lyrical power!
[sing to spice girls wannabe]
If you want a future forget your shepp,
If you wanna get with me better get your wellies,
Now don't go wasting my precious time,
Get your act together we could baa in time
[Message Edited] |
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if you guys want parodies look for a music video called make my boobies one more size, it's a spoof on hit me baby one more time, funney stuff 
hmmmmm wooops didn't see the next two pages! very late comment
[Message Edited]
  
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CAN YOU CONTAIN YER TROUSERS AT THE THOUGHT OF YET ANOTHER TWO-FISTED EPISODE OF.....
THE RUSTLERS!
phhhhhhht plop
I THOUGHT NOT!
CHATEAU STARDOCK - CLOSE SHOT - CARIELF - AFTERNOON
She is in a rocker on the porch. Suddenly she stares out and stops rocking. Faint in the distance, but coming closer, the whine of two starfighter, moving at speed. A moment later KarmaGirl emerges and comes to stand beside CariElf,shading her eyes and squinting against the sun, still not recognizing the distant starfighter. And then T-Man comes out and he too stares, frowning at first, then with dawning realization.
KarmaGirl and CariElf also begin to guess...to suspect...and then to know. And CariElf starts to run.
CLOSE SHOT - MOVING WITH CARIELF
The CAMERA MOVES ahead of her as she runs blindly over the hard-packed ground, running as hard as she can toward the still unseen but nearing starfighters.
FULL SHOT - THE STARFIGHTERS
Lord Evil Steve has MM77 cradled on his lap, his arm
supporting him. MM77 is asleep. Lord Exar Kuun hovers beside them. CariElf comes running up to stare at Lord Evil Steve and at the MM77. Lord Evil Steve smiles and puts a finger to his lips -- cautioning CariElf against waking MM77 -- and then he slides the starfighter by. CariElf looks then at Lord Exar Kuun. He doesn't know whether to smile or not; he just waits. And then CariElf is beside him and she steps onto the door and vaults up beside him, and she kisses him just as she had on the day he left the graves to take up the search. And still holding her beside him, Lord Exar Kuun follows slowly after Lord Evil Steve and MM77 toward the house.
FADE OUT
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WhaT evER wIlL THe Sentinels do NEXt?
      
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INCOMING MESSAGE FROM FAR NORTH SPACE.......
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LORD EVIL STEVE AND EVIL STEVE YOU ARE COMMANDED TO TEMPORARILY SET ASIDE YOUR DIFFERENCES AND USE YOUR COMBINED CHARM, RAFFISH GOOD LOOKS, ENORMOUS ENDOWMENTS AND SUPERIOR INTELLECTS TO SAVE THE STATE OF QUEENSLAND FROM REAL-TIME STRATEGY GAMES. THIS MAY WELL TAKE TWO WEEKS OF LYING ON GLORIOUS BEACHES AND DRINKING LARGE AMOUNTS OF BEER, BUT YOUR SUFFERING WILL BE FOR THE COMMON GOOD. SIGNED FROGBOY.
#######################################################
WHAT WILL BECOME OF THE SENTINELS FOR TWO WHOLE WEEKS?
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##############################################
THE WRATH OF LORD TYRANT
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FADE IN:
IN BLACK
Absolute quiet. SOUND bleeds in. Low Level b.g. NOISES of SS STARDOCK bridge, clicking of relays, minor
electronic effects. We HEAR a VOICE.
LORD MM77'S VOICE
Lord's log. Stardate two-
one-nine-zero. SS Stardock on training mission
to Skowbo. Section Fourteen,
coordinates twenty-two/eighty-seven/
four. Approaching SOS Bar 'n Grill, all
systems normal and functioning.
TO BE CONTINUED.......COS I IZ AT WORK AND DA BOSS AZ JUST TURNED UP.......
[Message Edited]
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One Flew Over The Duck's Nest
Chapter 1
"Aar, bucko! Thar be no escape for the likes of ye!"
Captain Jack Sparrow cut off comms with the police cruiser.
"Let's make an example of them - Kit! Ramming speed!"
KitWarrior didn't need to be told twice. He deftly steered the Survey Ship of Doom in the right direction and fired the afterburners. In a moment, it was all over. Sparrow turned his eyes to an unarmed freighter, which was trying to sneak away from the battle.
"No, no, you can't get away... Gunner Gerakken, target their engines!"
There was silence from the weapons console. Kit looked up, and saw that Gerakken wasn't at his post. In face, Gerakken was standing on the other side of the bridge, with his finger stuck in the hull. All the pirates looked at him curiously.
"There's a leak in the hull. I'm keeping the insanity out."
Kit gestured at a hull repair kit which was mounted on the wall. "You know, those kits are pretty good at fixing this sort of thing."
Gerakken shook his head vigorously. "No, no, no, that just won't do. I've read their specs. They're only designed to keep the air in. We have to keep the insanity out! It's a totally different problem."
All of a sudden, he stopped talking and started stroking the hull with his free hand. He sniffed the hull, then rested his hand on one spot.
"Oh dear, there's another buildup. We have to treat it early. It's for the best."
Gerakken pulled out his sidearm, blasted a hole in the wall, then dropped his weapon and plugged the new hole with his hand. He looked at both his hands, which were now stuck in the hull, and sighed in relief.
"Phew, that was a close one! But we're safe - for now."
---
Will Gerakken realize that he is, in fact, a CARRIER of the insanity! What happens if naturally insane people like KitWarrior are infected - will a new SUPER-MADMAN be created?
Stay tuned to RADIO S.O.S for the answers! In the meantime, sit back and enjoy "The Godling's Greatest Hits!".
P.S. The dish of the day at the Bar and Grill is beef. Buy one mad cow, get one free.
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| P.S. The dish of the day at the Bar and Grill is beef. Buy one mad cow, get one free. |
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Do we get to talk to the dish to see which ones we like best?
   
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I iz away too for a while but will be back as soon as I get a house and bits again
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MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
DA SUBDUGATION OF QUEENSLAND IZ COMPLETE!
I IZ BACK!
rustle
COME TO ME ARMS WOOLY ONE!
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| rustle COME TO ME ARMS WOOLY ONE! |
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-buzzzzz- *click*
...
I'm so tired of tryin'
I always end up cryin'
Wool for your lovin' no mor-or-or-ore
I'll be the wool for your lov - in' no mooooor-or-ore
-boom boom-
baaaaa, ba ba, ba ba, ba ba!
Ba ba, ba ba, ba ba!
That was Whitesheep with Wool For Your Lovin' on Raido SOS! Coming up next - *click*
  
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